BELGRADE, MONTANA- Security dog of local car rental agency refuses to perform required hourly perimeter checks on grounds that his duties are unconstitutional. Augustus de Oro y Plata, known locally as Auggie, told reporters Thursday that he was not receiving fair compensation and was effectively indentured. “According to the 1787 Northwest Territories Act, without adequate dog-park trips and snacks I am facing Involuntarily Servitude,” claimed Augustus.
In rebut, Owner of the business, Will Casella, responded “I don’t know what has happened since the end of upland hunting season. We go to the park twice a day and he gets at least 3-treats. But other than that, he simply refuses to get off of the couch.”
When told later of Mr. Casella’s statement, Augustus wistfully stared upwards from his repose and stated: “Yeah, whatever. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make my beard look this good?”